Dec 12, 2008

Life for the Depressed

Wow, a little over a year ago I lost every poem I’ve ever written. I was no flaming professional or anything, but I did have a few things in some minor publications (I can’t remember where now :); I used to write a LOT of poetry and even wrote a short story once. Anyway, I’m packing right now and ran across a copy of one of my old poems. Actually, it was the very first poem I ever wrote. I was in the seventh grade at the time and will provide a little background below.

Some of you are not aware of my past/ rough childhood. Christ has been very faithful to bring healing to my life, but my younger years were not easy to say the least (as I’ve referenced before, I can only share “so much” here in public because it involves other people, so we’ll leave it at that for now). During those years, I was quite depressed and alone, humanly speaking. I contemplated suicide fairly often during that period, but I could never do it. Not because I was scared, I’m too bold / brazen for that. No, it was not fear that kept me from ending my life, instead it’s an amazing testimony to the love and grace of Christ Jesus that kept me from killing myself then and continues to sustain me today.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the time right now to do this story justice (I’m supposed to be packing my apt so I can move tomorrow and I’m WAY behind schedule). For now, I will simply say that even in the depths of my depression, I always had the feeling that I would let someone down if I did it. At the time, I confidently “knew” that there was not a single human being in the entire world that cared about me at all. I am not exaggerating, I didn’t believe that my own mom cared at the time (the devil is deathly crafty and tells some convincing lies) and the goal of every single day was to simply try to avoid as much berating and abuse as possible, so that I could get up and do it again the next day (no wonder I love the book of Ecclesiastes). All was vanity and loss, yet as a saved person (yes, I was saved at the time… so let your theology cringe in fear), I knew that Christ loved me. I didn’t understand it at a conscious level (in other words I would have denied it at the time), but “deep down” I knew… I couldn’t run from it and it was literally THE only reason I didn’t follow through. It was just the sense that I would be letting someone down despite hours, days, weeks, and even months of pondering “who” and not coming up with a single answer. Anyway, I need to get back to packing, but WOW, what a reflection on the grace, love, and awe-inspiring power of Christ! Thank you Lord!!!


Life for the Depressed©
By: Aaron Hawk

Is my life meaningless?
Is my life lifeless?
Why was I born,
to soak up the morn?
Why is it that in everything I do,
a problem just rises anew?
Should I open up and cry,
or should I allow myself to die?
Should I kill myself,
or continue to live in stealth?
Whether I choose to live in stealth,
kill myself,
or die,
it shall be done while I cry…

For anyone who may read this and wonder if anyone cares… someone does. Christ cares, and wants to enter into a relationship with you. If you are reading this and are at all intrigued, that alone is proof that Christ is “speaking to your heart.” If you do not have a relationship with Christ, there is guaranteed hope, if you ask Him, Christ will bring you into his family and you will inherit all of the blessings that come with being part of His family (watch the video below and or check out the other links if you want to know how). If you are already part of Christ’s family and struggling, run to your Father in heaven and speak to a faithful minister of the Gospel of Christ! If you do not know one, email me (info below) and I will speak with you and try to find someone in your area. My friend, there is hope, and despite all of the lies that the evil one wants to sell you, you are loved (very deeply) and of great value in Christ! The only warning to give you is that Christ is the only way; He is the only hope… there is no other. The blessing is that if you are feeling prompted by this, He is ready and waiting right now!!!

Email me at Godsservant3” att hotmail dott comm and put “Question about Jesus” in the subject line.

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