May 14, 2007

Another short meditation from the disturbing mind of Aaron Hawk

Originally posted 6:03pm Thursday, Nov 2, 2006 on Facebook

I wish so much that we, that is people, didn’t feel that we have to play such games with each other. We guard our thoughts and feelings so closely because of sin and pride. Sometimes, we’re guarding ourselves, sometimes the other person, though usually ourselves. We are so concerned that our intentions will be revealed or that friendships will be severed by our honest thoughts and feelings. It is so frustrating to have to think in these terms. If a friendship were strong and genuine, nothing of this sort could destroy it. If two people claim to love Christ, the same should be true, no matter the difference (provided it is not a matter of sin). Our focus should be on His glory, not our comparatively minute interests. Yet, we hold our own pride and sin above this free communication and God-ward glorification, to the point that we are afraid to share. So we speak in riddles and half-truths in order to protect our fragile egos.

When it is our sin that will sever ties, it should be dealt with. If it is simply vulnerability, that says little of the friendship. We should be able to walk right up to someone with whom we have a relationship (no matter the type or longevity; whether new, old, just friends, or more) and tell them our opinions and/or thoughts and have no fear of the outcome because both parties would be seeking Godliness and reconciliation (if a rift were to occur). Yet we fear that our intentions would be misunderstood and the relationship would be adversely affected or severed altogether. We fear both ourselves and the other person's perception and/or reaction. This shows a very low view of the other person and ourselves, yet the fear of the effects of sin so often paralyzes us. When one person feels differently than the other, that should not stop or weaken the friendship, yet so often it does. That is both shameful and sinful.The most frustrating part of this is that though I recognize it as such, and though I am not known, in general, for being a timid person, I catch myself doing it and being enslaved by it. Even within this note there is a background I am not willing to share. The same is also true within several of my other notes and I am not willing to reveal much about them. The screaming example is the actual riddle I put in there.

I hate this game, yet I find myself playing right along!

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