Aug 27, 2007

I am Human, forgive me ;-)

This is another one that is straight from my heart. Before I continue, I want to say that, as always, I love comments and would encourage any that you might leave (positive or negative, I really don’t mind). However, due to the nature of the subject, I would sincerely ask that you not leave any cliché comments, such as “you’ll find someone someday.” Dealing with things we don’t understand, we rarely know what to say, yet we want the person to be encouraged. That is fine and I understand the tendency, but I am fine. My refuge is the Lord and my identity is in Him. If you want a more detailed explanation of where I stand, I would encourage you to read one of my previous posts entitled “Sweet Wine.” So, for the record, I am not having a faith crisis, I am not doubting God, I am not bitter. I am human. As such, if you are human, you surely have felt this way at one point or another. I think one of the greatest tragedies in modern Christianity (the only perspective from which I can truly speak), is that there is a strain of bad theology and pseudo-devotion that demands we never be honest about human emotions. God created human emotions and it is only when we are ruled by them that they are bad. Finally, please forgive me for my strong words, but it really bothers me when we can’t be honest. Ok, after a post’s worth of rambling…

I wrote the lyrics below to a tune that I love very much, and which I feel expresses the mood very well (see info on tune itself at the bottom of this post).

Send Her To Me

Lord in your word, you said it was
Not good for me, to be a-lone
Yet I’m a-lone, and wai-ting still
For you to move, and your hand to, provide

Oh Lord my God, send her to me
Weary am I, of wa-i-ting
Yet you are good, al-ways to me
So I’m a-ssured, you’re wor-king in, our lives

And if she be, al-rea-dy near
Lord help me not, look o-ver her
But help me see, her as you do
So beau-ti-ful, in eve-ry way, in you

Lord in con-ten-tment let me rest
Until you bring, my love to me
I know your plan, is best for me
So help me rest, with-in your arms, ‘till then

When in your time, and in your way
Your plan’s revealed, to both of us
Unto your side, help us to cleave
And there re-main, one flesh in you, our Lord

The tune is “Hunter’s Glen” by James D. Cram, 1970. It can be found in the 1975 Baptist Hymnal or you can listen (and read the lyrics) at (if it does not load correctly delete the “bphym312.mid” and then look for number 312. I will add that the hymn on this site plays MUCH faster than I like to sing it, so you may have to slow it down to get the sense (and for the purposes of this song, it is really better with just a piano or a violin). Below is the sheet music from the original song

Click below to see the video of this song the way I like it played... by me ;)

Aug 20, 2007

What’s in a Name

Well, randomness is not something that should surprise you where I am concerned, but here’s another random one ;)

Proverbs 22.1 says that a good name is to be desired more than great riches. I have always liked my name. I do not mean in the sense that I think it’s just “all that,” but I like it. Overall, I have never found it to be associated with anything too negative and actually didn’t even know there were any other “Aaron Hawks,” though I have never been so naive enough as to think that others didn’t exist. A year or two ago, I got curious and “Googled” my name and found a few others out there, though the name was still not popular by any means. It has been a while, I got curious again, so I did it again (I know, some of you are thinking “man this kid has no life!” To that, I would respond that you don’t either since you are reading this ;).

This time there were a lot more “Aaron Hawks” than last time. It is very interesting what you find when you Google your own name. Below is the non-comprehensive, but fairly accurate summary of what I found.

So far…

there’s a pornographic photographer

A few misc students

Someone with Aaron J Hawk… that’s kinda creepy :/

Statistics of the popularity of the name Aaron (ironically spiked around the time I was born… hmmm)

A famous boxer

A character on Soldier of Fortune

Some random Chinese guy

Some 15 year old kid who writes in Chinese (not sure if related to the above, but don’t believe it’s the same guy)

A reference to my name in a rap song (not sure what Aaron Hawk it is referring to)

Some cobalt programmer

Some guy at taco bell driving a jeep (this one is actually a video)

A college student that enjoys driving a 4x4 (perhaps the same guy as above), who is into the Martial Arts

Some German site

A band named Hawk Nelson with a guy named Aaron, that evidently knocked Toby Mac down on stage

Some random actor (who evidently really needs work), who lists, among his interests / talents, Martial Arts and Archery

The name of a band, described as “ambient psychedelic cult Band from Nuremberg”

And finally, a few hits that really are me.

Hmmmm, interesting…

Aug 19, 2007

New Tags

Ok, so here’s a quick one. I have added tags to most of my posts at this point and the tags are collectively listed at the bottom-left side of the main blog page. Most of them are self-explanatory, but I do feel the need to explain two of them.

First, I have used the "About Me" tag anywhere that I have included general information about myself. This information may be about past events, opinions, or just random facts. Thus, if anyone is asking themselves “who is this guy,” the “About Me” tag will aid them in figuring out factual information either about my life or about what “makes me tick.”

The second tag I wish to explain is the “My Heart” tag. Every post I write definitely reflects my heart in one way or another. However, some of them just stand above the others in reflecting the things that touch my heart more than anything. These posts reflect the deepest “cries of my heart,” as the saying goes. This is not to say that others don’t “pull my heart strings,” but these are especially dear! Thus, the “My Heart” tag, will aid anyone who is interested in figuring out the things that touch, mold, and shape me, at the deepest level (or bored enough).

Now, you may be asking why in the world I am including these (or why I’m talking about them). Well, I realize that the entire blog is about me in one sense. However, I will occasionally include some self-reflection. The main reason I include these reflections, is that I feel they add to, or help to further explain, what I am trying to communicate (or why I perceive things the way I do). Beyond this, I also realize that they serve a second purpose. By including these reflections, I am leaving a “paper-trail” of sorts, with all kinds of little “info-bits” describing who I am. This makes it easier for someone who doesn’t know me to learn a little more about me. It also makes it easier for those who do know me, to know me at a little deeper level (since these types of reflections don’t find their way into “normal” conversation).

So, if you are bored and have nothing else to do (or perhaps actually desire to delve into the insanity that is me), these tags may help you get to know me a little better. Otherwise, just enjoy the easier indexing provided by the others ;)

Aug 13, 2007

To the Ground

Ok folks, I’ve posted some rough and random ones before, but this one takes the cake. A common practice in some denominational circles is to ad-lib a prayer to the Lord in song. Some pick a tune and repeat it, some ad-lib the entire thing. In this case, I started with a basic tune and then repeated and / or changed it at points, so it is sort of in-between (leave it to me not to obey any of the rules… not that they really exist here… and on I ramble). Anyway, I can’t write music and I can’t remember the name of the tune I started with (it is one most of you would know), so you’ll just have to do without. This one is raw and unedited (except for spelling which doesn’t count when you are singing ;) It is not particularly deep or pretty as I just turned the recorder on before I prayed in song, then transcribed it below. I’m not really sure why I’m posting this one, but perhaps it will bless someone.

To the Ground...

Oh Lord my God, I love you, yes I love you
Oh Lord my God, I love you, yes I love you
And I say O Lord my God, I love you, yes I love you
Dear Lord my God, I love you, yes I love you

Oh Lord my God, I love you, yes I love you
Oh Lord I turn at every corner, away from you
Faithful you’ve been, and yet, I run from your hand
You’re so faithful and true, I’m so wicked and vile
Lord you’re both pure, and purity… I’m both filthy and wicked
Oh Lord you’re worthy of all that can give
And Lord I’m not worthy to look upon you
I’m so wicked and vile, how can I call upon you
My voice fails within me, my heart is broken too
And Lord I’m tired of apologizing, again and again…
Lord I’m sorry that I’m sorry once again!

And Lord, I don’t comprehend why you love me
I’m so unworthy of your touch, so unworthy of your heart
You’re so holy and pure, I’m so stained by my sin
I can’t look up to see your face, and yet I know you’re looking down
I can’t reach up, yet I’ve forgotten how to kneel
No longer do I blush when I sin against your name
And no longer do I feel I’ve broken your heart when I have

Oh Lord cut my heart, tear it out, and give me yours
Lord teach me now how to blush, and how to kneel
Break my heart and my spirit…
Oh Lord, help me fall,
-at your feet, let me stay, hold my hand and lead the way
Grab my heart and my mind, lead and guide my every thought

Help me moment by moment to seek your face not your hand
Help me moment by moment to seek your will and not my own
Help me love you with all that I am and I have
Help me Lord to love you and see your face when I’m tempted

Oh Lord when trials come, help me lean on you
Help me seek and find purity in you
Oh Lord turn my heart and my mind, wholly to you
Let them bend and waiver no more
Oh Lord help me now in purity to walk before you
Oh Lord help me sing to honor you in joy and not,
-in pain Lord, let me stand when I sin against you
Yet comfort me quickly, else I perish and return, to the ground
Help me kneel with my face, to the ground…

Ok, though I always have a reason for choosing the pictures I choose to place in my posts (try saying that a few times fast ;), I almost never explain my reason for the choice. In this case, I think the picture fits quite well, but the quality of the shot is such, that I will explain it below. This shot was on a very overcast morning in Cinci, with my old camera. It is a shot of an old tree trunk that had been hit by lightening at some point and been destroyed and lay dead for who knows how long. Now, ignore the sapling closest to the camera (that I could not get out of the shot), and look inside the old, dead tree-trunk… notice there is a fresh, green sapling growing inside the fertile and protected cavity of the decimated tree. I’ll let you take that where you want to, but thought I’d point it out.

Aug 6, 2007

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow, Yet Onward We Grow

Herein I write yet another reflection from my life. This time a public praise of my mother, on her birthday. So, it is with a heart overflowing with love that I wish my mom a happy birthday and try, in some small way, to tell her how much she means to me.

First, let me say that I thank God for my mother. I know it would be naive to say that she is the best mother in the world, but I sincerely cannot imagine anyone better. She has always been my human anchor, a (human) rock, on whom I could depend to steady me in times of trouble and confusion. We have been through some incredibly difficult times, the nature of which some of you, but certainly not all, may understand. In these difficulties, she has always demonstrated a strength and wisdom that any leader would envy. I would love to publicly proclaim example after example, yet she is also humble and wouldn’t have it. Through all of the bad times, she has shown endless love, patience, and (again) strength.

She and I have always had a close relationship. This is partly due to the difficult times I’ve referenced and mostly to the fact that mom has always understood my strong personality (and yes, ultimately the Grace of Christ). She has always allowed me to voice my opinion and given me as much freedom as I was able to handle, yet not more so. She has always made me feel that my opinion was important and valued, yet the lines between parent and child have not been crossed. Bottom line, she has held the perfect balance of protecting me and giving me the independence “my wiring” has always desired. I stand here, in sincerity, not knowing how she has done that. I pray to God that, when it is time, I can be as good a parent and demonstrate as much wisdom and love.

In keeping with the above, she has always sensed and prepared for changes in our relationship. As any healthy relationship will, ours has constantly changed and grown. Being a mother, something I cannot begin to understand, I am sure everything within her has wanted to hold on a little longer and keep things just as they are, yet she has (always) unselfishly prepared me for each stage. This most recent trip home was no different. Mom and I both enjoy whatever time we are able to spend together, yet, we know that our relationship has and is changing, yet again.

She continually demonstrates her love and understanding in that she knows me well enough to allow me to “go on” when it’s time for change. She knows that my antsiness is not personal, but a desire to move on, in strength, realizing it is Christ’s plan for my life. In all of our lives, we pass from season to season, adapting, changing, and growing. In this particular season of my life, the Lord is preparing me for marriage. Though I do not know when that day will be, the Lord is accomplishing his work in my heart and affections (Genesis 2:24 “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh”). What this means is that my affections are naturally turning away from her, and toward the future, specifically, toward my future beloved (whomever she may be). My mom and I have talked about this for a long time; yet, recently, there has been a noticeable change, wherein theory is becoming reality. My point is that, once again, my mom is proving herself to be both a blessing and a remarkable parent by not only accepting this fact, but by continually preparing me for that day. I thank God for her unselfish love, tough as it may be!

When it is time to part we have always put on a strong face and tried to make the departure as natural as possible. To do anything else would only make parting more difficult and fight the natural order God has set. Yet even in this, is a demonstration of the love, understanding, and concern we have for each other.

Now, in closing, to speak directly to mom… Thank you for being so wonderful and so loving. Once again, I wish so much that I could write in such a way as to accurately express how much I love and respect you, yet regardless of my skill, that would prove to be an impossible task. So, I will close with that understanding, simply saying, thank you… and happy birthday!

Aug 4, 2007

Second Opinions

My most despised “book of the Bible” is that of 2 Opinions, yet it seems the most commonly quoted in all of history.

2 Opinions 4:3 (BSV) “I am right, you are wrong”

2 Opinions 3:5 (BSV) "Fill in the blank"