Showing posts with label About Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label About Me. Show all posts

Dec 12, 2008

Life for the Depressed


Wow, a little over a year ago I lost every poem I’ve ever written. I was no flaming professional or anything, but I did have a few things in some minor publications (I can’t remember where now :); I used to write a LOT of poetry and even wrote a short story once. Anyway, I’m packing right now and ran across a copy of one of my old poems. Actually, it was the very first poem I ever wrote. I was in the seventh grade at the time and will provide a little background below.

Some of you are not aware of my past/ rough childhood. Christ has been very faithful to bring healing to my life, but my younger years were not easy to say the least (as I’ve referenced before, I can only share “so much” here in public because it involves other people, so we’ll leave it at that for now). During those years, I was quite depressed and alone, humanly speaking. I contemplated suicide fairly often during that period, but I could never do it. Not because I was scared, I’m too bold / brazen for that. No, it was not fear that kept me from ending my life, instead it’s an amazing testimony to the love and grace of Christ Jesus that kept me from killing myself then and continues to sustain me today.

Unfortunately, I don’t have the time right now to do this story justice (I’m supposed to be packing my apt so I can move tomorrow and I’m WAY behind schedule). For now, I will simply say that even in the depths of my depression, I always had the feeling that I would let someone down if I did it. At the time, I confidently “knew” that there was not a single human being in the entire world that cared about me at all. I am not exaggerating, I didn’t believe that my own mom cared at the time (the devil is deathly crafty and tells some convincing lies) and the goal of every single day was to simply try to avoid as much berating and abuse as possible, so that I could get up and do it again the next day (no wonder I love the book of Ecclesiastes). All was vanity and loss, yet as a saved person (yes, I was saved at the time… so let your theology cringe in fear), I knew that Christ loved me. I didn’t understand it at a conscious level (in other words I would have denied it at the time), but “deep down” I knew… I couldn’t run from it and it was literally THE only reason I didn’t follow through. It was just the sense that I would be letting someone down despite hours, days, weeks, and even months of pondering “who” and not coming up with a single answer. Anyway, I need to get back to packing, but WOW, what a reflection on the grace, love, and awe-inspiring power of Christ! Thank you Lord!!!


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Life for the Depressed©
By: Aaron Hawk

Is my life meaningless?
Is my life lifeless?
Why was I born,
to soak up the morn?
Why is it that in everything I do,
a problem just rises anew?
Should I open up and cry,
or should I allow myself to die?
Should I kill myself,
or continue to live in stealth?
Whether I choose to live in stealth,
kill myself,
or die,
it shall be done while I cry…
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For anyone who may read this and wonder if anyone cares… someone does. Christ cares, and wants to enter into a relationship with you. If you are reading this and are at all intrigued, that alone is proof that Christ is “speaking to your heart.” If you do not have a relationship with Christ, there is guaranteed hope, if you ask Him, Christ will bring you into his family and you will inherit all of the blessings that come with being part of His family (watch the video below and or check out the other links if you want to know how). If you are already part of Christ’s family and struggling, run to your Father in heaven and speak to a faithful minister of the Gospel of Christ! If you do not know one, email me (info below) and I will speak with you and try to find someone in your area. My friend, there is hope, and despite all of the lies that the evil one wants to sell you, you are loved (very deeply) and of great value in Christ! The only warning to give you is that Christ is the only way; He is the only hope… there is no other. The blessing is that if you are feeling prompted by this, He is ready and waiting right now!!!




Email me at Godsservant3” att hotmail dott comm and put “Question about Jesus” in the subject line.






My Church, Ninth and O (woot)

A Church website that seems sound

A fantastic and sincere presentation of the Gospel:

Mar 13, 2008

Spring Time Fun

Though I know some of you are tired of waiting and tired of hearing it… trust me, the series is still coming… I hope to be able to start serious work on it in the next couple of weeks. Thanks so much for your patience :)
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Wow, as much as I love Winter… Spring is, in truth, probably my favorite time of year. It is still cool enough to keep me from overheating, yet it is so beautiful as life begins anew and so many outdoor activities are once again possible. Without explaining the age-old analogy… what a beautiful picture of the Gospel!!!


The first truly BEAUTIFUL day of the year… it was truly perfect. Being as warm natured as I am, I am not one to just sit outside when warmer weather is present (work is one thing, but not leisure), yet today was so incredibly perfect I just couldn’t help it. I decided to go out in the main court area of the Seminary, read, and soak in the blessings of the day. I really don’t know how many hours I was out there, but it was so much fun. Of course I was blessed to see so many of my friends out there at different points as well. On top of enjoying my studies, today was truly a gift from the Lord in many ways. First, I am finally not only caught up with school work, but am in a position to have a little breathing room (very little as I have a big test and a paper first thing next week, but still). I hate being behind and love being ahead, so my spirits were already much higher. Second, the day itself was a blessing of being surrounded by unspeakable beauty and meditative comfort. I could not have designed a more perfect “relaxing / meditative” day if I had taken weeks to try to plan it. Thus, all I can do is relish in the goodness of my great God and Savior, Jesus Christ. He is so VERY good to us, may we be reminded of this at all times!!!

Days like today are most certainly an answer to prayers such as this one http://a-hawk.blogspot.com/2007/06/prayer-and-meditation.html


Feb 26, 2008

Scattered Words and Empty Thoughts

Sorry guys, this one is a hodge-podge… there are at least 4 different posts in this one, yet I just don’t have the time to write anything substantive right now as I am truly overloaded with school work right now.


Exodus 20:20 is really where the Lord has been speaking to me, especially in terms of relationship. He is testing me in many ways in order to see if I will indeed honor Him, or grumble and trade the perishable for the imperishable; may none of us settle for the perishable… trading trinkets for treasures and filth for fulfillment!!! I am in the wilderness, being tested... may I trust only in Him and may I never grumble, for in His perfect time and way I shall indeed receive the reward, if I remain in Him!!!

Rachel has died and I mourned for her, yet Christ is able to raise to life again those who have fallen asleep. Perhaps I was drunk and it was really Leah the whole time, though even when drunk it is hard to mistake gold for dirt… then again, perhaps I am not Jacob. Perhaps also there is drunkenness on the other side and vision only in the forms of trees. There is no way to know at this point, but no matter what I shall set my face as a flint and march ever forward, directed by my loving Father!

True joy in Christ comes in knowing that Christ is working and moving in our lives, not in getting what we want (no matter how wonderful it may be or may seem), or in understanding how or why He moves in the ways He does. My joy and trust is in the Lord and my heart is His, so I can only rejoice that He is working, however incomprehensibly. It is not for the thing created to question or doubt, but to submit in all joy and with all thankfulness to an infinitely benevolent, sovereign, and good Savior who is both near and far!!! Thus, there is only joy, love, and confidence, not pain. Times like these test the measure of our faith and trust in God’s sovereign plan. He has directed my every step and He will continue to do so, thus how can I be anything but joyful and filled with all love and comfort?! Further, I am speaking my heart, not trying to give some theological treatise – to me theology is not a subject of study, it is life… we do not believe something if we do not live it. We cannot truly study something apart from life and we cannot truly live apart from study! We cannot compromise on the balance of Transcendence and Immanence!!! I have truly learned much and I am so thankful for the way the Lord has worked and allowed me to see His hand the entire time (though of course never knowing where it was going). Thus, I am overflowing in true joy in Christ and drinking in undeserved blessings!
























*and yes, the title was taken from a Jeremy Camp song, though I don't know why it came to mind in particular :)

Jan 5, 2008

A Continued Moment of Sobriety

Don't fear, the next post in the series is coming very very soon (probably Monday :)

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Hey guys, this is just a continuation of my previous post “A Moment of Sobriety.” Please take the time to read that one as I don’t want to waste time repeating myself… I am just overly burdened at realizing my sin, especially when realizing the depth of my sin. As I mentioned in that note, I have recently realized a critical attitude and form of arrogance that I have not had to fight in a while. By nature of saying that, I also admit my faults in not fighting it in the way that I ought to… once again, I have fallen into complacency and dropped my guard. I spoke on this in the last note and definitely stand by what I wrote. Yet I have come to realize that the problem is larger and deeper than I thought, even when I wrote the last note. This is not who I have grown to be in Christ, yet I have allowed myself to slip back into my old, sinful ways.

I had a group of friends over this afternoon and dearly enjoyed the fellowship. Yet, I caught myself several times making comments (subtle or otherwise) that I should not have and putting others down, instead of building them up (as I have a few other times lately). It would be easy to label this “fine tuning” in terms of sanctification, and perhaps it is somewhat; yet it is deeper than that, and much more vile. The truth is that others may or may not have noticed as they were the type of comments that normally accompany our sinful natures and that we all fall into if we don’t watch things carefully (even still, there is no excuse!). Often we preface them with, well, this person is great… except (or with some other similar qualifier). The idea is that if we “show” that we love the person first, we then have the freedom to “honestly point out” their faults. In accountability directly to this person, or in ministerial conversations (pastoral concern), etc, where the goal is to reason through things so as to help the person, I think this is fine. Yet, all too often we (I) use these premises as an excuse for “sanctified gossip / slander.” In this note I am not accusing anyone other than myself of making such comments. To those in attendance, I am very sorry for not guarding my tongue and not being the man that God has created me to be. Also, I want to apologize to any that have been around me during this season… I am deeply grieved for being a reproach on the name of Christ and for slandering any of my brothers and sisters. Again, I ask for accountability… if you hear me doing this, please call me out. Despite my sinfulness, I love each of you very much (all my friends, not just those here tonight) and am torn to pieces at the thought of offending you directly or indirectly.

Upon realizing the depth of this sin, I have “pulled out” a few older meditations. They are not profound or new, but they are true.

Bottom line, how can I judge anyone? I can declare based on the authority of scripture that something is wrong, but it is not my place to judge any person’s motives or heart… I am not the measuring stick. If on a hypothetical “holiness” scale of 1 to infinity (where Christ’s holiness is infinite), let’s assume that I am a 1.5 (and this is admittedly a nonsensical argument as there is no such thing as holiness apart from Christ, especially where I am concerned) and let’s assume that I genuinely see someone else (true perception) who is a 1.25… it is still wrong to look down on them… for what is that compared to the infinite! More importantly, by even entering into this thought, I prove myself “less” than they are. We are not comparing ourselves to others, but to Christ. Beyond this, since when is our sinful perception actually correct?! Chances are, if we perceive ourselves at a 1.5, we are quite a bit lower than that. Further, if we perceive someone else at 1.25, chances are they are higher. I mean, we make such snap judgments with such partial knowledge that we cannot possibly be correct. Use this example… take one frame from a film that is two hours long. Most 35 mm film travels at a speed of 24 frames per second. Thus, if we run the numbers, the overall averages are 24 frames per second, 1440 frames per minute, 86,400 frames per hour, and 172,800 frames in a 2 hour movie!!! Even if I take 10% of those frames, I am only “seeing” 17,280 frames and missing 155,520. That is NOT enough to “see” who that person is. Thus, not only are we condemned by our own system (if we try to use this one), but the entire paradigm is wrong as Christ is the measure… thus, there is none righteous! Second, it is a matter of rights. God is the only one with perfect perception, thus He is able to judge righteously. To judge someone (again intents, not actions clearly expressed in scripture) is to assume perfect knowledge (again, using the film illustration above) and since that is something which belongs only to God, it is blasphemy! Third, the very nature of love is to build up, not to tear down. It is the antithesis of love to speak negatively, especially to put down. This is nothing short of evil!

Thus, once again, I desperately ask forgiveness and sincerely hope that I am catching this early enough that my sin has gone unnoticed (humanly speaking), yet am not naive enough to think it so. I say this not because I want to hide my sin (otherwise I would not post this), but because once again, I am hoping that I have not hurt or offended any that I love. My offense is ultimately against God and was not and cannot be hidden. Thus, I would rather fall into the merciful and righteous hands of Christ for my own sin, than to offend one of His children and add sin upon sin (2 Sam 24 among others).

Dec 22, 2007

A Moment of Sobriety

Don't fear, the next post in the series is coming soon
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Anyone who knows me also knows that I spend a lot of time meditating and reflecting on all sorts of things, including who and where I am in relation to the Lord. I do this mostly because of the way Christ has created and wired me, thus I cannot take much credit. Yet it is also because of my past and the clear realization that we are all self-deceived. I believe that much of the maturation process is a matter of self-reflection before Christ. This is precisely why I am always talking about transparency, honesty, and vulnerability. This is also why Kierkegaard resonates with me (though I don’t agree with everything he says).

Anyway, I am writing after yet another instance where I have discovered self-deception. Take heed, watch therefore, be on the alert, take diligent heed, watch yourself, watch the gates, watch out, watch is mentioned 58 times in the updated NASB,… these are just a few examples in the scriptures of where we are told to be vigilant and watch over our souls. Over and over and over, the scriptures command us (yes, command) that we be watchful. We are to watch ourselves in every aspect at every level of who we are. Thus, we are to watch our life, our doctrine, our growth, our attitudes, our perceptions, our thought processes, the very intents of our hearts, and the list could go on. This takes much discipline and deliberate effort, just as a business cannot operate well if the steward is not keeping track of everything. One little thing neglected, and it can affect all of the others. My mind goes to the story (or secular parable), “For want of a nail the kingdom was lost.” This type of careful watch can be quite overwhelming sometimes and it seems so many never undertake the endeavor. Even with the fact that I am naturally wired to do this (thanks be to God), I must admit that I am all too often lulled into a state of complacency and coasting. Cruise control has no place in the life of a believer, yet too often I fall asleep at the wheel.

The Lord has been very good to me lately (as always), bringing me so near to him after a long time of disobedience and self-will. There are a number of things that I know I must watch on a regular basis. Due to my sinful nature and sinful propensities for using God’s gifts for my own glory, I tend to think too much of myself, when, if I understood the truth, I would be so crushed by my own sin, I wouldn’t be able to lift my head (Luke 18:9-14). A few years back the Lord dealt with me in a pretty major way where it concerns this sin, and I am so thankful to the many that allowed Him to use them. Yet, God does not zap us into perfection. He may work in a way that deals with a sin very powerfully and a major adjustment may be made. Yet, if we are not careful and watchful, it will return very, very slowly and overtake us in a moment (just as I look out one moment and it is night, yet the next it is morning). The way to bring down a castle is not to attack its strength, head-on. But instead, to attack its foundations, slowly undermining its walls or to sneak in through some unguarded way. In the martial arts, the way to defeat an opponent is not to go straight in at his strength, but to find his weakness and exploit it. If we intend to avoid falling in a major way, we MUST watch the little things (catch the little foxes).

In several ways here lately I have noticed a critical attitude, an arrogant moment here or there, a slight shift in perception. It is a scary thing to me as I know self-deception. By nature of realizing that the problem has returned, I must assume it is once again deeper than I realize. A lone soldier may once in a while walk up to a castle, but rarely. Usually, it is a scout, sending word to the ranks hidden beyond the tree line that they should either attack, or hold yet a little while. So, with this realization, I must not only kill the scout, but I must also find the encamped army and with the Spirit, slay them all with my eye showing them no pity.

Ok, so why am I sharing this? Well, for three reasons. First, and most importantly to me, is to seek forgiveness for any that I have offended. I have asked this many times in my life and I know that I will ask many more times. Yet, it is just as sincere now as it has ever been (and I pray that it always will be). Simply put, I have been so overwhelmed and overloaded in the last few months that I simply have not been myself (in Christ). Also, I hope that I am catching this early enough that it has not become noticeable or offensive to any aside from myself, but don’t want to take any chances. I take friendship very seriously and love my friends more deeply than I could ever express. I know that I do not always demonstrate the depth of my love because, quite frankly, I don’t know how to. Encouragement is usually appreciated, but it seems many times deep love is misunderstood (even if in Christ). We don’t know what to do with it, or if we can even trust it when it is given. We want others close, yet not too close. For example, I might give an encouragement to a sister or brother and tear up, only to realize it has been misunderstood. Thus, for ourselves and for others, we restrain ourselves… or at least I try. This is truly sad and surely the affects of sin. Anyway, I am getting into another post at this point. I say these things because I want to illustrate that I am not merely bothered when a friend is offended, but deeply grieved. It is hard enough when I have to stand for the Gospel, which I am more than willing to do. But it can feel unbearable when it is my own sin that causes trouble. The second reason is to thank those that are in my life, acting as watchmen on the wall of my castle. Though I can try to patrol my own walls, I need my watchmen to be on the alert, telling me when I have dropped my guard. Thus, I sincerely thank those that have warned me and beg for continued, brutal honesty. We are in a war folks, when it comes to our defenses there is no room or time for flattery, only the blast of a trumpet. We are not islands… we need each other!!! The third reason is to urge anyone who reads this to watchfulness. I share my heart in the hopes that Christ will, through His Spirit, remind you of the need for vigilance so that it may be well with you. Thus, I could try to write and encourage and exhort you, but I think instead, I will leave you with a few scriptures as there is no greater authority and, thus, no better teacher.



Let the Word of the Lord pierce our hearts!!!
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Deuteronomy 6:10-12 10 "Then it shall come about when the LORD your God brings you into the land which He swore to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you, great and splendid cities which you did not build, 11 and houses full of all good things which you did not fill, and hewn cisterns which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant, and you shall eat and be satisfied, 12 then watch yourself, lest you forget the LORD who brought you from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. – NASB Updated


Deuteronomy 8:1-20 Deuteronomy 8:1 "All the commandments that I am commanding you today you shall be careful to do, that you may live and multiply, and go in and possess the land which the LORD swore to give to your forefathers. 2 "And you shall remember all the way which the LORD your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. 3 "And He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD. 4 "Your clothing did not wear out on you, nor did your foot swell these forty years. 5 "Thus you are to know in your heart that the LORD your God was disciplining you just as a man disciplines his son. 6 "Therefore, you shall keep the commandments of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways and to fear Him. 7 "For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land, a land of brooks of water, of fountains and springs, flowing forth in valleys and hills; 8 a land of wheat and barley, of vines and fig trees and pomegranates, a land of olive oil and honey; 9 a land where you shall eat food without scarcity, in which you shall not lack anything; a land whose stones are iron, and out of whose hills you can dig copper. 10 "When you have eaten and are satisfied, you shall bless the LORD your God for the good land which He has given you. 11 "Beware lest you forget the LORD your God by not keeping His commandments and His ordinances and His statutes which I am commanding you today; 12 lest, when you have eaten and are satisfied, and have built good houses and lived in them, 13 and when your herds and your flocks multiply, and your silver and gold multiply, and all that you have multiplies, 14 then your heart becomes proud, and you forget the LORD your God who brought you out from the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. 15 "He led you through the great and terrible wilderness, with its fiery serpents and scorpions and thirsty ground where there was no water; He brought water for you out of the rock of flint. 16 "In the wilderness He fed you manna which your fathers did not know, that He might humble you and that He might test you, to do good for you in the end. 17 "Otherwise, you may say in your heart, 'My power and the strength of my hand made me this wealth.' 18 "But you shall remember the LORD your God, for it is He who is giving you power to make wealth, that He may confirm His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day. 19 "And it shall come about if you ever forget the LORD your God, and go after other gods and serve them and worship them, I testify against you today that you shall surely perish. 20 "Like the nations that the LORD makes to perish before you, so you shall perish; because you would not listen to the voice of the LORD your God. – NASB Updated


Proverbs 4:25-27 25 Let your eyes look directly ahead And let your gaze be fixed straight in front of you. 26 Watch the path of your feet And all your ways will be established. 27 Do not turn to the right nor to the left; Turn your foot from evil. – NASB Updated


Luke 11:34-36 34 "The eye is the lamp of your body; when your eye is clear, your whole body also is full of light; but when it is bad, your body also is full of darkness. 35 "Then watch out that the light in you is not darkness. 36 "If therefore your whole body is full of light, with no dark part in it, it will be wholly illumined, as when the lamp illumines you with its rays." – NASB Updated


1 Timothy 4:16 16 Pay close attention to yourself and to your teaching; persevere in these things, for as you do this you will ensure salvation both for yourself and for those who hear you. – NASB Updated

Nov 15, 2007

I’m An Air Sniffer

Ok, this is not the big one, but just had to share…

It is interesting to me the things that fascinate me / us (don’t get too lost in that logical circle :). Last night I was walking with a friend outside and, being quite rude, stopped him mid-sentence to comment on the smell in the air. There are a handful of smells that always stop me in my tracks, I “couldn’t help myself.” It was that cool, fresh-rain smell combined with the robust and full smell of fresh pine. I have no idea what exactly it is about those smells, but I just love them! In the insanity that is my way of reasoning, I also realized there is something about this that is to teach me about Christ. I will not take this very far, attributing all sorts of things to this. The simple thought that came to my mind was that this “sweet savor” is like unto our prayers and supplications to our God… our supplications are literally pleasing to Christ! May I please Him!!! Sometimes the deepest things are also the most simple!

Nov 5, 2007

A Confession From the Heart

Well, plans are finally underway with the big post I have been talking about. I will be editing and rewriting it this coming week, hopefully making it more clear, concise, and Christ-honoring. That said, I am reposting a note I wrote a while back. I am doing this as a “springboard” or “frontrunner” for the larger and more in-depth post. Thus, it is extremely important to me that anyone who reads the next post (which should be next Monday), read it in the context of this post. In other words, I want anyone who reads the next post to understand that I see my own part in the whole and am not writing as if removed from the situation or from a judgmental standpoint. With that I will leave you to read the frontrunner.

Blessed in Christ,

Aaron Hawk
Col. 2:6,7

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Originally posted 5:25am Monday, Apr 9 2007 on Facebook
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I just want to share from the heart for a moment. That said, I am going to be quite blunt, and would ask that you show me grace as I confess my sins. Since I have been at Southern, I have entered into countless conversations about the male / female interaction here. In these conversations, I have heard both sides express extreme frustration for many reasons (and tried desperately to hear both sides as honestly as possible). I will not here address these conversations per se, but only mention them to provide background to my own sin and hopefully demonstrate that I have really done my best to take these issues to heart. Finally, though I have heard a number of seminary guys express similar feelings, in this note, I can only speak for myself.

Now on to my confession: I have erred in my perception toward “seminary girls.” I do not believe that I have sinned against any particular girl, but have stacked my frustration against the mass “they.” One of my biggest complaints has been that, in relation to single guys, seminary girls act quite cold (as a generalization, I never meant the sum total). Ok, calm down and let me explain (and apologize). By this, I mean that it has seemed girls around here act like talking to a guy is the equivalent to a marriage proposal. Therefore, they remain aloof and refuse to enter into a conversation. Now first, let me say that if there is truth to this point, I can’t really blame them considering the “vulturesque” way it seems many Seminary guys act. It really pains me to see the way that some girls are treated.


One of my greatest contentions (and supporting evidences) is that when I’m walking around campus or through a building, most girls will not even smile and say “hi.” “They” avoid eye contact and act as if they are totally unaware that someone else is around, even though their stiff body language and deliberate downward stare say the exact opposite. Since I have been here, I have taken great offense at this. It has seemed to me that the girls are treating me as sub-human, by not at least acknowledging that “yes, you are a fellow human, and I will acknowledge that by giving you a common greeting.” Despite the fact that I am very shy in a group of new people, I am an extremely social person. Thus, this type of situation really bothers me.



Here I must chase a small rabbit and also confess that, though it is rare, I sometimes do the same thing for various reasons: Sometimes, I am so ashamed of myself and aware of my own sin, that I don’t want to interact with anyone. Sometimes I am just in a hurry and don’t want to have a conversation… you get the point.





Back to my main point… the other day, I realized that I have, unknowingly, had a double standard in my perception. I was on a break from class and walked past a number of people on the way. Some of them were male and some were female. On the way back to my room, I noticed the females ignoring me for the most part, as always. I ate lunch and then headed back to class. Once again, on the way back to class, I passed a number of people, but this time, I noticed that about the same ratio of male and female students either greeted or ignored me. I was immediately hit with my double standard and my own insecurities. The simple fact is, I didn’t notice the guys ignoring me because I don’t care in the same way. Though I don’t like being ignored by anyone, I was only sensitive to the times one of the seminary girls would ignore me.


It grieves me to think how I have sinned in my heart and my mind toward such Godly and wonderful ladies as we have on this campus. Further, I am grieved that my own thoughts may have contributed in some way to the already tense and awkward situation that exists here. I think we can all agree that, whatever the exact situation is, it is an unnatural one and, therefore, a confusing one. So, why did I write this note? Let me assure you it was NOT to complain or to stir up trouble. In fact, I question the wisdom of posting this note, as I do not want to offend anyone for the world. What then was my purpose? Well, it was partly to apologize, but generally this type of sin does not need a public apology. More than that, my simple hope is that we would all be more aware of how we treat each other and examine our own hearts… for ourselves and especially for those around us. To the guys, I hope that we, as Christ’s children, would love and respect our sisters in the proper way. To the girls, I hope that you would realize that we “gruff” men are much more sensitive than you may realize and something as simple as “hi” can brighten our day.



I thank my God that He has shown me the error in this perception and pray that He would help me to always see other people and situations through His eyes and not my own. May He continue to refine and sanctify me! To all of the wonderful women that God has placed here, I am sorry! May the Lord bless and strengthen you!!!

Sep 10, 2007

Multifacetudenessity

End note (at the beginning) this is yet another really long one with several points and some setup, but you can make it!)

Well, yet another random one. Throughout the years it has been interesting to see the different reactions I get from people and to take note of the angle from which they are viewing me. One thing that I find to be a constant frustration and source of comedy is how we are so multifaceted; that people never completely know each other. We are so insanely complex and so many things affect our perception of another person. The angle from which we view a person is perhaps the greatest source for opinion, yet it is only one of who knows how many angles (and from the perception of an imperfect observer). So, we already have two problems affecting perception. We, as multifaceted beings, must be viewed from different angles (as many as possible, if we want a clearer picture of the person). We must also be viewed with discerning eyes and our perception must be checked time and time again, by the best we are able to perceive of the reality of who they are. This is why it is so foolish to marry someone after only a short period of time and why we must be careful not to write people off after a bad impression.

I can be a very “modalistic” person. By this I mean that I sometimes act very different in one context than I do in a different context. When I am at work, I don’t really goof off at all. In my mind, I am there to do a job, to do it to the best of my abilities, and to do it as efficiently as possible. Thus, when I am at work, I am a very serious and focused person (as a rule). When I am in class, I am much the same way. I am there to learn and to pay attention, so (as a rule) I sit in the front and don’t talk to people. When I am at karate or working out, the same thing applies, I am quite focused on that (though at karate a decent amount of goofing off applies when I am not the one teaching). When I preach, I am very intense: I’m there to deliver the Word of God, which may involve humor, but my primary purpose is to be faithful in delivering the message, which is a very serious matter. When I am hyper and goofing off around friends, I am just a big goofball. Now, none of this is to mean that I can’t and / or don’t switch “modes” or that I don’t sometimes switch easily (though some are easier than others). In other words, when I preach or teach, that does not mean that I never preach light-hearted messaged or that my delivery is devoid of emotion. This does not mean that when I’m hyper and goofing off, that I can’t switch into a very serious and intense conversation (in fact, I love doing so).

My point with the above, and with the note in general, is that I know the different facets of who I am (at least somewhat) and it is funny, frustrating, and disillusioning sometimes when I realize that person “x” doesn’t realize that facet “g” exists. For example, I remember when I led the college / career ministry at my old church. This was a new ministry for our church and for the first week or two it was all about adjusting and getting things in place. Now, they had heard me preach and seen my in the various roles in which I served, but none of us really knew each other. I led the lessons for a few weeks before things were really in place enough to start thinking socially. Then, after a week or two I started trying to get social activities together to draw us together as a group. At this point, they had only known “Aaron the teacher.” One of the first times that we came together socially (see *1 – to include here would be an intrusion into this thought) I was really hyper (some of you know what this is like and some don’t ;), so they got to see a little of “the other side” of Aaron. Later in conversation, Meg (who is now with the Lord) was talking to me and said something to the effect that she was not very excited about having me for a leader at first because I was so intense and serious. She couldn’t imagine having fun, much less community, with a leader like that. Later in our friendship, I am sure there were times where she wished I’d be a little less silly ;) I also remember another person and situation with my friend from Charleston, Mike. He and I “came up together” in the Martial Arts. He always saw the goofy, hyper Aaron. For at least a few years this was really the only impression he had of me. Then, I remember he came in to visit me at work one day and I was busy doing whatever and didn’t really spend much time talking or goofing off. Later, he commented on the difference and said something to the effect that he couldn’t believe how serious I was.

We go through life with some sort of picture of who we are (sometimes accurate, sometimes not) and by nature of having no other knowledge, assume (at least in general) that others have the same picture. Thus when troubles come or someone says something that contradicts our picture, it can be very hurtful and disillusioning. For example, one thing that I am VERY passionate about is being totally upfront and honest in all situations with everyone (see my Ben Franklin quote, it resonates with me). Now, I am not delusional in thinking that I have achieved this, but it is a very large part of who I am and I strive to be as such. When someone says something that contradicts this, it really bothers me. For example, a friend a while back said that I was not upfront and then later qualified that I was not as upfront as I thought I was. If she is right, then I obviously have a flawed picture. As we discussed it, the things to which she was referring were thing which would be very unwise to share for one reason or another. Thus, no, I do not share anything and everything: if wisdom demands that I keep my mouth shut, then I will. In all other areas I strive to be totally open. This is a very real example of where this person saw one facet of who I am (ie: the situations where wisdom is required form the bulk of her perception of this aspect of me), and misunderstood the whole picture.

Ok, so what is my point in all of this? Well, I really have two. The first is to encourage us all to be careful in “cementing” our perceptions of others. I have known many married couples who admit that when they first met each other, at least one of them could not stand the other one because of one thing or the other. In fact, one of them it was because he was SO intense in his teaching, she didn’t think she could ever approach him – just thought I’d throw that one in there :) I have also lost count of how many friendships may have been prevented and how many have been hurt because of this very thing. We must be careful not to judge prematurely and we must treat each other with lots of grace. It is the height of arrogance to think that we have perfect knowledge of the other person, only God has this type of knowledge (which is why we must also pray) (see *2).

This naturally leads me to my second point. If we, as finite beings, are so complex and multifaceted, how much more is God! If we cannot understand ourselves, and definitely can’t understand each other, what hope do we have of understanding God?! The bottom line is that apart from Him revealing Himself, we can’t. Thankfully, God is not an imperfect being. Instead, He is perfection. He is the very definition of what it means to be perfect, He is the measuring rod. Thus, if He says it, we can believe it, based on who He is and the simple fact that He said it. Thus, we can know God, but not perfectly because that would require that we be God. If that were possible, He would not be God. Anyway, enough of that, my point here is that God has revealed Himself in the scriptures of the Old and New Testaments, the Holy Bible. Thus, though God is incomprehensible, we can know about Him through His word. Therein, He has given the testimony of how we can know Him personally, through His Son Jesus Christ! (I am not connecting all the dots here, but I trust that you are following me, if not, please ask). Ok, so, if a person knows God personally through Christ His Son, what then? Well, we still do not have perfect knowledge of God. Christ through the Holy Spirit reveals God’s Word to us and we can grow deeper and deeper in our knowledge of who He is. We can study the scriptures our entire lives and still not scratch the surface of what God has revealed about Himself. This should humble us and drive us to seek to know Him more. To go a step beyond this, though God has revealed certain facets of who He is through the Scriptures, He is so much more than that (comparably) minute revelation. Thus, we must be very careful that we NEVER assume we are beginning to grasp Him. He has given us what we need for now and we are to study that faithfully. He has told us that He is love, that He is just, that he is holy, and so on and so on. We can trust these things to be completely true (as discussed above) and though we cannot see the other facets of who He is we need not worry that those unknown facets will contradict any that He has already revealed. Remember, God is not a man that He should lie. He does not tell us one thing to hide another, nor does He have an incorrect perception of Himself. What He has revealed is entirely true and good, but let us never fall to thinking that what is revealed is all of who He is. Some things are just too much for us to comprehend. For example, God has revealed that He is holy. Stop and think about that. What does it mean to be perfectly holy? If the thought does not send you hours of contemplation, you are not thinking about it deep enough. Ultimately we cannot even comprehend this one attribute. This is but one of the many things that He has revealed about Himself. Were we to ponder all of them it would take us the rest of our lives and we would still fall way short. How much more the things that are incommunicable and as yet unknown?

Now, my point to the previous section is that we can know certain things. God has said that Jesus Christ is His Son, that is not up for debate. Anyone who says otherwise rejects God and is a liar (see *3). This is a clear example of things which need to “other” perspective. Though we may not be able to comprehend the complexities of how this works or the interrelationship of the Trinity, we can stand firmly on what is clearly revealed. The doctrine of Christ’s deity is very clear and is not something that we should say is ok to disagree on. Other things, however, are not as clear. For example, in His Word, God reveals that Christ will return at some point, that there will be a judgment, that no sane person should want to be apart from Christ when this happens, and that we must be faithful in trying to tell people the Good News. These statements are very clearly revealed in the Scriptures. There can be no debate as to the truth of these statements (at least not based on what God has revealed). However, the specifics of how these things will be played out is not very clear at all, as evidenced by centuries of fervent debate and study. This is an area where honest difference of opinion can exist. As such, we must show grace to each other when we disagree with brothers and sisters in Christ. This is one of those multifaceted examples where we can know something, something that is true, but we cannot comprehend the complexities of it. Now, I admit this is a weaker example. Now, to go for the kill and the super controversial subject around here (he he). The subject of God’s sovereignty. The Bible clearly says that God is sovereign. He is in total and absolute control. Nothing can trump Him, nothing surprises Him, and NOTHING is beyond His control. For someone to deny this fact, is to deny who God is and the testimony of Scripture. They have erred into heresy. However, the Bible also very clearly teaches that human beings make real choices and that they are responsible for those choices. God created us with some sense of free will. This is from God and cannot be denied. To do so, is also to err into heresy. So, what do we do with this tension (which is a term that means something we cannot comprehend)? Welcome to centuries of debate my friend! My point here is not to debate the issue, in fact, I think way too much time has been spent on it already! My point is that God is so incredibly beyond our scope of comprehension and so much more multifaceted than we are, that we cannot comprehend how these two things work together. We have tried time and time again to comprehend it, but, in my opinion, it is a mystery we do not have the capacity to understand and to claim that we do, is to go well beyond revealed scripture. Thus, this area, perhaps above all others in our Seminaries and Bible schools, is one in which we should show grace. How can we condemn one brother for staring at facet # 3,645,234,545, when we are fixated on facet # 3,645,234,546? Yet so often we do. We are only separated by a fraction of comprehension, both staring at the same characteristic of God’s relationship to humanity, though at slightly different facets, and then calling each other false based on our perception. The fact is that neither of us comprehends the total truth and to think that we do reduces God’s glory and exalts our arrogance (which btw, is and always is a negative correlation). Thus, again, we must show grace. We must realize our limited ability to understand against God’s infinity! So let us not divide over issues that simply come down to God being God and humans being flawed and only partially able to understand.

With the above, please do not hear me saying that we should not study to show ourselves approved. I believe that we should all study these things and try, the best that we can, to comprehend them. This should be both our duty and our joy, in growing in the knowledge of and in our relationship with, Christ our Savior. What I am saying is that unless something is truly crystal clear, let us have the humility to admit that we may be wrong and not judge our brother, who may be right, and the sense to realize we may both be blind.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, though the thoughts are mine (in as much as anything is ours), the specific term “facets” was taken from Kenneth Boa’s book “Conformed to His Image.” It is worth a read!


*1 – If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. When meeting new people and especially in a new group I tend to be an observer first. I will sort of disappear and watch and learn to see who people are. Thus, when I first meet people, they often think I am really quiet and reserved. Later they learn quite the opposite ;)

*2 - Note: this is not to lead to relativism, just to be sober in judgment and always with the realization that we may be wrong. Some would use similar logic to make the case that we cannot truly know anything and thus all is relative (which is a self-defeating argument btw ;). That is not AT ALL what I mean or the direction I am taking. The difference here is that my argument is based and / or formed on the authority of scripture. So, I am not making the case for Universalism or for anything other aberration.

*3 – 1 John 5:10 (in context vs 6-12); John 8:39-59; 1 John 2:22




Now, to prove yet another facet of who I am. I can be incredibly random (those who know me best are going, yep!). This entire note started because I wanted to post something short and fun (clearly I have accomplished that, right :). I sat down to post one of my favorite cartoons from one of my favorite cartoonists. I was going to write a sentence or two about how I am multifaceted and I like the serious stuff as well as the comical. So, 5 pages of text later…

This is one of my favorite cartoons by Reverend Fun. This site is my homepage. I will warn you, some of his stuff is absolutely hilarious and some just leave you scratching your head going O-K… (sorry Rev). Either way, it is worth a look :)

______

www.reverendfun.com

Aug 6, 2007

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow, Yet Onward We Grow

Herein I write yet another reflection from my life. This time a public praise of my mother, on her birthday. So, it is with a heart overflowing with love that I wish my mom a happy birthday and try, in some small way, to tell her how much she means to me.

First, let me say that I thank God for my mother. I know it would be naive to say that she is the best mother in the world, but I sincerely cannot imagine anyone better. She has always been my human anchor, a (human) rock, on whom I could depend to steady me in times of trouble and confusion. We have been through some incredibly difficult times, the nature of which some of you, but certainly not all, may understand. In these difficulties, she has always demonstrated a strength and wisdom that any leader would envy. I would love to publicly proclaim example after example, yet she is also humble and wouldn’t have it. Through all of the bad times, she has shown endless love, patience, and (again) strength.


She and I have always had a close relationship. This is partly due to the difficult times I’ve referenced and mostly to the fact that mom has always understood my strong personality (and yes, ultimately the Grace of Christ). She has always allowed me to voice my opinion and given me as much freedom as I was able to handle, yet not more so. She has always made me feel that my opinion was important and valued, yet the lines between parent and child have not been crossed. Bottom line, she has held the perfect balance of protecting me and giving me the independence “my wiring” has always desired. I stand here, in sincerity, not knowing how she has done that. I pray to God that, when it is time, I can be as good a parent and demonstrate as much wisdom and love.

In keeping with the above, she has always sensed and prepared for changes in our relationship. As any healthy relationship will, ours has constantly changed and grown. Being a mother, something I cannot begin to understand, I am sure everything within her has wanted to hold on a little longer and keep things just as they are, yet she has (always) unselfishly prepared me for each stage. This most recent trip home was no different. Mom and I both enjoy whatever time we are able to spend together, yet, we know that our relationship has and is changing, yet again.

She continually demonstrates her love and understanding in that she knows me well enough to allow me to “go on” when it’s time for change. She knows that my antsiness is not personal, but a desire to move on, in strength, realizing it is Christ’s plan for my life. In all of our lives, we pass from season to season, adapting, changing, and growing. In this particular season of my life, the Lord is preparing me for marriage. Though I do not know when that day will be, the Lord is accomplishing his work in my heart and affections (Genesis 2:24 “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh”). What this means is that my affections are naturally turning away from her, and toward the future, specifically, toward my future beloved (whomever she may be). My mom and I have talked about this for a long time; yet, recently, there has been a noticeable change, wherein theory is becoming reality. My point is that, once again, my mom is proving herself to be both a blessing and a remarkable parent by not only accepting this fact, but by continually preparing me for that day. I thank God for her unselfish love, tough as it may be!

When it is time to part we have always put on a strong face and tried to make the departure as natural as possible. To do anything else would only make parting more difficult and fight the natural order God has set. Yet even in this, is a demonstration of the love, understanding, and concern we have for each other.




Now, in closing, to speak directly to mom… Thank you for being so wonderful and so loving. Once again, I wish so much that I could write in such a way as to accurately express how much I love and respect you, yet regardless of my skill, that would prove to be an impossible task. So, I will close with that understanding, simply saying, thank you… and happy birthday!

Jul 29, 2007

A Tale of Two Churches

Hey guys, just a quick one this time. As I have mentioned before, I attend (when I’m in Louisville) and am a member of, 9th and O Baptist Church. Someone has created and posted a fantastic, and fair, video on U-tube. I thought I’d share the link if anyone is interested.

I have been attending Ninth and O from the very first Sunday I was in Louisville (July of 2005). I took my time and visited plenty of others before joining in October of 2005, but even while visiting other churches, I always came back to Ninth and O. There I have found a place of fellowship, refuge, encouragement, and challenge (much more about that aspect is sure to come later). I LOVE my church and my church family dearly and jealously. I have found the teaching to be among the most solid anywhere and the fellowship unrivaled. Further, I have never been in a church where I have felt more genuinely loved and cared for.

I am as involved as I am able to be, constantly trying to hold the balance of being properly vs. too involved (as I always have a tendency to do). I am the most heavily involved in the music ministry there, assisting wherever I can. My mentor and close personal friend is Jim Parsons, the Worship Pastor, and I do mean Pastor in the proper sense. There are many preachers and so-called “music ministers,” but few Pastors (John 10). If you are in Louisville, or just like solid, Bible-based sermons, check us out!



Here is Ninth and O’s webpage:

http://www.naobc.org/

Here is the video link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3RIT79avhA


__________________
Also, lest I leave it out, I am privileged to attend Old Fort Baptist when I’m home. Due to circumstances I may or may not write about at another point (though of course I would protect identities), my mother and I had to leave the church we attended (which I still call my home-church sometimes) two weeks before I left for seminary. We had visited Old Fort before, but it was not previously the Lord’s will for us to be there. Upon leaving this previous church, I felt sure Old Fort was the one. Though I knew it was pointless for me to join with only two weeks until I left, I attended services there until it was time to go. Later after prayerful consideration, mom joined and has been there ever since.

I have, for the first time since being in Seminary, been able to spend more than just a week or two at Old Fort. In fact, I was blessed to spend the entire summer with this wonderful family. I must admit that the few times I have been home in the past, I basically hid, knowing that I was only there for a day or two (I even “missed” a few times when I was home to avoid the uncomfortable feeling). That is to my shame. To make a feeble explanation, it is very hard for me to open up to new people. Not in the sense of being bold when I need to be, getting a job done, or speaking for my Lord. I am not the slightest bit timid in these settings. But in the sense of social settings, it usually takes me a while to be comfortable and be myself (and I usually drive a few people crazy because of over-analyzing). Then, once I am comfortable, I basically stop with the over-analyzing, relax, and am able to be myself (which definitely scares people ;) I have meditated long and hard, trying to figure myself out with this. I have gone from one idea to another and I still don’t understand it, but on I digress and further off topic I go… the bottom line, is that it takes me a while to “loosen up” with new people. Thus (finally getting back to my main point), I did not think it worth the effort of “putting myself out” for literally one Sunday (or two at most) every six-months. The beauty of the body of Christ, is that no matter who you are, or where you come from, we are all IN Him, if indeed we are His. This is a lesson that I knew, but that I learned once again, at Old Fort. I was immediately taken in and treated as if I had been there all along. I have grown to love this family, and I do say family, and it is to my sinful shame that I denied myself the pleasure of getting to know them; that I denied them the burden of getting to know me; and, most importantly, that I denied Christ the honor He is due in and through my life, by seeing His children relish His presence together! It is a discredit to me, and a testimony to this church (insert Jim, mentioned above, shaking his head at me ;).

One last thing that I must mention about this church: The preaching ministry in this church is perhaps the greatest I have ever had the privilege of sitting under. I am not saying this to down-play, or discredit any of the other wonderful men of God that I’ve heard and sat under (in fact, I’ve been spoiled between NGU and Southern), but this one, at least to me, stands above all (also, lest he be lifted too high, note that I said “sat under”). I realize that a decent part of my love of this teaching has to do with it being a style that I like, but, beyond this, the messages are SOLIDLY founded on the Holy Scriptures and are delivered with the conviction, power, and passion of a true Pastor (despite using this term twice in this post, I do not use it liberally or lightly in life). The teaching ministry is a challenge to me of the type of preaching I desire to do. The messages are presented, with deep thought, yet in a manner that anyone “who has an ear” can hear. Though the wording is prayerfully and carefully chosen, it is also preached from the heart and not simply memorized, allowing for the perfect “fit” and “flex” in each of the three services. Lest I go on and on, I will simply say, I was blessed to sit under Pastor Eric this summer and plan to continue to listen online in all of the spare time we all know I will not have ;)



Here is Old Fort’s webpage:

http://www.oldfortbaptist.org/






Well, I guess so much for “just a quick one” and “just sharing a link,” but any that know me, know better than that anyway ;) All-in-all, I once-again (enough hyphens for you?), find myself so blessed, as to have to leave one blessing, in order to receive another. I must say farewell to Old Fort (for now), and hello to Ninth and O (yet again). I love you both!

Jul 14, 2007

Times of Transition

Well, I have about a week left of work and about a week after that of being home. My last day at work (this time :) will be this coming Friday. After that, I will take the next week to do many of the things that I’ve been intending to do, but haven’t had the time (visit friends, take some Charleston pictures, get my passport – yay!, do some reading and writing, etc).


Times of transition are always bittersweet for me. I love people and places and always feel torn when it is time to leave one place and go to another. I have had “double residency” since 2001 and routinely have to leave one life, to temporarily pick up another, only to return later. I desire to stay here, be with family, discover this new church, and continue working at a job I love and for a boss that I love (and of course, make decent money); yet, at the same time, I desire to be back in school, with my friends, and with my church family.

Now, I must here clarify, I do realize that I am in a blessed position. I do not say that I have to leave where I desire to stay, in order to go where I do not wish to go (or the inverse). No, quite the contrary; I am so blessed by Christ, that I constantly GET to go from one blessing to the other. I am truly so blessed that I’m torn between blessings.


Though I realize my torn feeling is the result of being too blessed, I truly look forward to the day when I am no longer torn between two goods, but have one good. The good I am referring to is a family and one place in which to minister. Now sure, I realize that my ministry will probably change from time to time, and I sincerely look forward to that as well, but, here, I am talking about looking forward to the day when my family, my ministry, and my source of income are no longer many hours and many miles apart. A time wherein I can be involved in my ministry and come home to family instead of an empty apartment and wherein I can have both family and friends, and not have to choose between them. Now, please don’t misunderstand me, I love my life and am quite confident that I am in the Lord’s will. He is continually teaching me contentment and I believe that I am learning this lesson (note the on-going present tense). However, contentment doesn’t necessarily mean that we don’t look forward to better days.


Even in this longing, the Spirit testifies to a deeper, and far greater, longing. I sincerely look forward to that day. That day, wherein we are no longer “double residents,” being in the flesh residents of earth, and in the Spirit, residents of Christ’s Kingdom. I look forward, with great eagerness, to that day, wherein I no longer feel torn, desiring to be with Christ, yet needing to be fruitful for my savior (Phil 1.22-24). I deeply and sincerely long for that day, when my heart is no longer breaking and torn apart over those that reject Christ; when I no longer bear the burden of the lost, but only rejoice in and with the redeemed!!! My heart cries out, desiring that day, when I no longer have to say, “come Lord Jesus, yet tarry a little while longer!”

May 20, 2007

I'm an addict... thank you!

Once again I stand in complete amazement as I realize (once again) what amazing and encouraging friends I am blessed of the Lord to have!!! In (and because of) this realization, I am continually humbled, literally falling on my face before God, thanking Him for placing such incredible people in my life. I am SO thankful for you all and am continually renewed by your love, your encouragement, even your simple presence. It is truly good for brothers and sisters to dwell together in unity!



The number one way I connect with people is physical touch, so for those that are willing to put up with my playing around (and allow me the delusion that you enjoy it ;), you have no idea how much I need to play this way and how much you delight my heart in this. For those that are huggers, I literally cannot express how much you mean to me. By the simple, pure act of a hug, you are ministering to my soul (in a way that nothing else can)!

For those that are not huggers or don’t play around with me, please understand that you minister to my soul as well. Just as my spiritual life will be negatively affected by a lack of physical touch (seriously folks), I cannot subsist without deep, deep conversations, and the more sober moments of life, to compliment my more zany side. Thus, no matter what particular way you minister to me, I am dependent upon you. Thanks be to Christ Jesus our Lord (my ultimate sustainer), for the way He has ordained for His body to function!!!

Though this note sincerely goes out to ALL of my friends and has been coming for some time now, I do want to include a special “thank you” to those that were here tonight (you know who you are). I enjoyed our fellowship more than you know and am so thankful that you came. I literally wanted to cry (and am now, reflecting upon it) when I looked into your eyes and saw the sincerity and depth of your encouragement and love. I am truly unworthy of such exceptional friends, brothers, and sisters!!!

This last section is going to sound really sappy / corny, but it is from the heart. I hope that you do not doubt the sincerity of this note on the whole, or this last section. I am so amazed at the fellowship and friendships that I have here, I sometimes feel as if I am in a dream and if I breathe, it will all vanish. Yet, I am so confident of the sincerity of your friendship that I know you won’t! I am literally addicted to you guys. This, is the primary reason I don’t want to leave this summer. If I’m home, I can’t get my fix!

I wish that I were skilled enough to use words that would accurately convey the depth of my love and appreciation for you all, but I am unskilled and inept in this regard. I will simply close by saying thank you for allowing me to get to know you!!!


With an overflowing heart of gratitude and love,

Aaron HawkJohn 3:30

May 18, 2007

Another Funny Martial Arts Story

Originally posted 10:42pm Monday, Nov 13, 2006 on Facebook



For those that know me well, especially in terms of the Martial Arts, this is yet another “close call” story. For those don’t or have never heard one of my “close call” stories, enjoy.

I spent most of the day today in the Library (not my favorite thing to do… at all) doing research. I was in “work mode” (again, some will get this, some won’t) and thus VERY focused on what I was doing. I got up to go to the restroom, which has a small, closed-in foyer, dimly lit, with two double doors. In the times that I have been in there, I have never seen anyone else at the same time. I was walking at “Aaron speed” and almost went through the door full-speed (the doors swing in), but backed off a little as they are not heavy. As I pushed the first one open with my left hand, within a split-second I saw two people standing there coming towards me (some of you already know where this is going :). It scared me so bad and happened so quickly, I came within a split second of thrust-punching (my right hand was free) the object in front of me. It REALLY scared me. As it turns out, the object was what I would estimate to be a 7-year-old boy, who would have sailed into his father! As always, I managed to catch myself before even making the fist, realizing it was a boy and his father, but MAN what another close one. After this, I had to stand there for a few seconds to calm down. Thanks be to God, I have never struck anyone with one of these close calls, but they do make for some hilarious stories!

For those that do not know me, please don’t think badly of me!!! After a while of training, your training becomes ingrained and ideally at a reflexive level. Thankfully, another part of training is assessing the situation. Also, most importantly, thanks for the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ in keeping us from doing stupid things (well, sometimes)!

May 14, 2007

My Posture

Originally posted 1:09am Thursday, Oct 5, 2006 on Facebook



My goal and posture is to keep Christ first and foremost in my life. I strive to honor him in all that I do and think. He must be the grid through which I view and interpret all things. May I honor him with all that I am and all that I have!




Here are a few of my favorite scriptures (in relative order):

John 3:30
1 Cor 10.31
Colossians 2:6,7
1 Kings 22:14
Hosea 10:12
Ps. 56:3 and 119:11.

May 10, 2007

About me – the Fuller Version

Let’s see, where do I begin… duh… I am deeply in love with Jesus Christ!!! I strive to submit my will, my mind, my talents, and my all to Him… for He alone is Worthy!!! (Lord, I love you; help me to love you more!!!)

Ok, the first thing is that I am completely new to the whole “online” thing, as far as blogs and communities. I have had email since 2000, but otherwise, haven’t really used the internet until recently. Thus, I am still really new at all of this.

Second, I’m really not sure why anyone would care what I have to say. This is not false modesty or anything like that, I sincerely don’t understand; who am I that people should care what I have to say? To be completely honest, there are two reasons I decided to do this. The first was the gentle coaxing of some friends who refused to read my notes on Facebook and said I was basically using FB as a blog, thus I should just start one. :) Gotta love my friends! The second is that, though I truly write for my own satisfaction, I do really enjoy feedback. Also, as an added benefit, it gives people another angle from which to view and get to know me. So, if you have any comments, please feel free to leave them.


Now, for general info about me…

Well…

The best way to get to know me is to talk with me, obviously. I enjoy anything that stimulates the intellect (especially things that are witty or sarcastic in nature). I also love to laugh and have a good time. I love cutting up and playing with people. I love music and sing almost all the time; especially when I am close to the Lord. There’s nothing like singing at the top of your lungs at 3:00 in the morning! I also enjoy psychology and counseling and studying people in general. One of the greatest joys and interests in my life is that of studying people and spurring them on in the Lord.







On one hand, if you meet me, I will probably seem like one of the quietest people you have ever met, at first. In all of life, I am generally an observer first and then I act. Thus, in new social situations, I will usually “disappear,” until I am comfortable with a group or person. Once those barriers are broken down and I am comfortable, I act very different. Then “the real me” begins to come out. I love talking… a lot of talking. In fact, sometimes too much talking (can you tell ;) I am also an extremely hyper person. I have tons of energy and enjoy staying active. I don’t like staying still. Even at home, I am up and about doing anything but sitting still, at least as rule. I do know when to relax, especially where fellowship and conversation are concerned, but even in these times, my mind is usually going. On the other hand, I have a very strong personality and an even stronger will. Thus, when I need to be, I can be one of the boldest people you will ever meet. As a rule, I am a very up front person and prefer people be the same way with me.



There are two words that the people who know me best use to describe me, time and time again. Those words are sincere and intense. I don’t mind those two descriptive terms; in fact, I think they are good attributes. However, they both seem to get me into a lot of trouble. I hate ambiguity with a passion. I desperately love deep conversation and communication, free from pretense and deceit. That said, until I am secure in a relationship and can trust that a person will not misunderstand what I am saying, I tend to overanalyze and over-qualify things. This drives some people nuts. Other nuts, like me, understand and aren’t bothered by it. Even by including this in my “about me” section, I am proving my own point :) So… I am asking (ahead of time) for your forgiveness and for grace if I offend you in some way. Also, I have a really “bad” habit of giving people more information than they were really asking for. When I am interested in something, anything, I want to know everything I can about it, every little detail. I also love talking, as mentioned above. Thus, put those two together, and you have a person who gives a lot of info when asked a question. I am getting better at holding the balance on all three of these things, but the key here is “getting” better (present-active sense). Thus, once again, I ask that you just call me a dork and hand over some grace!


Ok, one last thing here (at least for now)… Let me be abundantly clear: I am writing as a Christian, a follower of Jesus Christ. Christ, who is the Son of God, the second person of the trinity (see scripture passage below*). Further, I believe that the Bible is God’s special, inspired revelation of Himself to us. I believe it is entirely true and completely perfect (2 Tim 3.16). That said, if you are not a Christian or do not believe in the total inspiration of the Bible, please feel free to comment and interact as much as possible. Also, feel free not to use abusive language or harass me or any that may read this blog. If you disagree, that is fine, but let’s all be civil. Abuse will not be tolerated!

May the Lord help us to honor Him in all of our thoughts, speech, and actions!!!


Sincerely, the recovering Pharisee,

Aaron Hawk



*John 1:1-14 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him nothing came into being that has come into being. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the Light of men. 5 The Light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it. 6 There came a man sent from God, whose name was John. 7 He came as a witness, to testify about the Light, so that all might believe through him. 8 He was not the Light, but he came to testify about the Light. 9 There was the true Light which, coming into the world, enlightens every man. 10 He was in the world, and the world was made through Him, and the world did not know Him. 11 He came to His own, and those who were His own did not receive Him. 12 But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, 13 who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. 14 And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth.